The first time
by I'mAMoshQueen
Summary: It was the first time I saw something different in her eyes. I've known Teresa for a bit more than a year. She's always been tough and confident. Maybe that change was because she was looking at my bruised face.


**I don't own anything, and no harm is intended. **

It was the first time I saw something different in her eyes. I've known Teresa for a bit more than a year. She's always been tough and confident. Maybe that change was because she was looking at my bruised face.

I couldn't stop thinking about my face. After the accident, I had lots of bruises and wounds, that would probably become scars. And the pain was almost unbearable. At least it was right before Teresa half hugged me.

A few minutes ago, I confessed my love for her. She probably already knew, but she couldn't do anything, especially considering that she was only interested in real "machos". She wanted something I couldn't give her. And no, it's not what you're thinking. It was the sense of security and protection. I can hardly take care of myself, much less I could take care of her. At least not now.

Although, I remember the first month she was in jail with me. She was scared, obviously. But she got her own place, and she earned the respect of the other interns. But what I remember is that somehow, someway I managed to protect her. I gave her things she couldn't get on her own. It was my money and my influences, but it seemed good enough for her.

I remember the time she was in the punishment cell, after she was unfairly judged by the director. Even though her tough mask was on, I knew she was scared of getting mad by being all alone. I did my best. I sent her the book, and I got her out of there as soon as I could. I can still feel the hug she gave me. I think it was the first time I really felt she cared about me.

I know she always cares about me, because I'm her friend. Her best friend. I know she tried to keep me off drugs. She wanted me to be the same person she knew back then. But I'm hardly a third of what I was. I'm not the dashing Patricia O'Farrel anymore. I'm not popular, nor famous. Infamous more likely. I've caused her trouble, but never on purpose. I love her too much for that.

That's why I tried to kill myself. I never wanted to get Lupe killed. Or Veronica, since that's her real name. Actually, she was the only person who was keeping me sane. And as soon as I lost her, I lost myself. I knew I couldn't count on Teresa, because she's not in love with me. And as she just said, I forced her into my dreams and my future. Who knows if she even wanted to be "La reina del sur" at all.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw her lying on the hospital bed. For all I knew, she could be dead. She was barely breathing, and her beautiful features were bruised. She's nothing like The Lieutenant I met back when we were in jail. I don't know at what point I lost her, and she just lost all control. Oleg told me lots of times that she wasn't okay, that drugs were in control of her. I never believed that, because that wasn't the woman who got me out of jail. That wasn't the woman who put me where I am right now.

If it weren't for her, I'd probably be starving to death. Or I would probably be still in jail. Or I would be dead.

Dead. That's it. She saved me from the fire.

I know I paid back long ago everything she's done for me. But I should've never left her alone. I love her too much for that, yet I did. And I can't help it, but feel responsible for the way she is now. She said it was her fault Lupe got inside TranserNaga, but now that I think of it, I was the one who pushed Patty to her arms.

But well, what's done it's done. I can't go back in time, although I wish I could. I can't help it but agree with her about jail. She was happy, and I was safe under her protective wing. And I was happy too.

Seeing her so vulnerable killed me. My heart broke into a million pieces. She said she was in love with me. And I knew all along, but I was too involved into being a drug dealer. Business before anything else. But today for the first time, I saw her differently. That's why I kissed her on the lips. That's why I left as soon as I could, because confusion was taking over my heart. Today I saw her as the gorgeous woman she is. Today I understood everything she's done for me. Today I saw every loving look she gave me over the months, and that I just confused them for happiness and admiration for my good work. Today I understood the pain and the heartbreak she must have felt when I was with Teo.

Today I fell in love with her.


End file.
